Local man hosts caption competition for himself, with smug results

  • ‘You see bishop, the money was only resting in my wife’s account‘.
  • ‘Well Micheál, our only hope is in the Poles’. ‘Jesus we’re fucked in them’.
  • ‘I can resurrect the dead, but you guys are goosed’.
  • And so on.

And a few moments earlier:

The FF faithful out in force to seek absolution for the last 30 years at the ‘Installation of Most Rev Kieran O’Reilly as Archbishop of Cashel and Emly‘. The fact it was an installation explains why there were so many spanners.

De Bert of Christ

Because on de turd day he rose again. So apparently Bertie Ahern isn’t dead, although some within his party might now be wishing he was, as he has dropped trou and taken a massive shit on Micheál Martin:

“It’s going have to be incrementally. It’s not going to be in one election but they will come back, the party will grow – I hope I live to see it,” he told UTV’s ‘Ireland Live’.

He added: “I don’t think they’ll be back in the next election. I presume Fianna Fáil will be in opposition – will be the main opposition after the next election. I think that’s the role they’ll be in and that’s that the role I’d like to see them in.”

But he is glad to be out of the game, as politics isn’t honourable like it was were he were a lad:

Mr Ahern said politics is “nastier now” because politicians do not strongly condemn personal attacks.

“I took the view all of these things should always be condemned and I always did back over the years but unfortunately not everybody did,” he said.

And a few lines up from that:

He infamously said people who speculate about house prices dramatically plunging should kill themselves after UCD Professor Morgan Kelly accurately predicted the property crash.

What a great guy. Ultimately, the problem with people like Bertie is not that they are utter shits, but rather that people vote for them again and again in record numbers. Democracy means we get the politicians we deserve, or, in the case of the decade leading up to the crash, ones that reflect our core values of ‘I don’t want to pay for anything, as long as I have me BMW society can go suck a dick’.

Back in 2009 or so, Bertie came to Cork to open a bookshop for an FF stalwart. We sent out a reporter to vox pop people who were there. Some didn’t want to talk, some rattled on about the Peace Process, but one little old lady was quite willing to chat to us, and she told us she was there because Bertie Ahern was ‘the sunshine of Ireland’. Her exact words.