Not the greatest photo, but about the best you’ll get from a moving train. It’s a field just  outside Midleton, and there are about five of these in there – all election posters, facing away from the road, and from what I can see they are almost certainly an O’Keeffe, most likely Kevin. They probably would have used Ned, but his posters would wither the crops as well as killing all the birds in a 20-mile radius. 

Journey to the end of the Nitelink

‘Does this go via Harcourt Street? Can I bring my kebab on? What’s my name?’

Anyone who has ever been on a Dublin Nitelink bus can relate to this: 

Matthew Keating (20) demanded to know if they had been “bitten” before saying he was going to cut their heads off.

He became delusional as he travelled home on a Nitelink bus after downing an apparently spiked drink on a night out.

Keating, of Earlsfort, Southern Cross Road, Bray, pleaded guilty at Dublin District Court to assaulting carer Emilia Majabague and threatening to kill her and head nurse Karen Relevante. 

The incident happened at Northbrook Nursing Home, Ranelagh on July 3, 2011.

He ran to the nursing home up the N11 after calling his mother to say “all Dublin’s burning, everyone is a zombie”.

And walking into a nursing home and thinking the zombie apocalypse has happened is perfectly understandable. They should be thankful he didn’t start double tapping everyone he saw and demanding Twinkies. 

Lucinda Creighton’s Jurassic Ark of the Covenant

Ms Creighton told this newspaper that she would be willing to quit as minister if the planned legislation “goes too far”. She insisted: “I’ve made it very clear that I would not support any regime that would introduce liberalised abortion or abortion on demand, that’s just not an option for me.

“We also feel very strongly in Fine Gael, and I think this distinguishes us from other parties, in the constitutional right of the life of the unborn child and that is something that is a constitutional protection, it’s not something that is made up by Fine Gael.”

Although emphasising that she is by “no means” a devout Catholic, Ms Creighton says that she is “spiritual” and relies on “my values”.

Values. Lolz.