I have never spoken aloud during a performance except on three occasions at professional productions aimed at school audiences to tell loud and ignorant “young people” beside me to stop talking and to switch off their phones as requested. What Ms Duff heard was probably my choking down hysteria when the actor who had been soulfully removing his clothes in relays in order to paint himself in vomit-green stripes, completed the process by removing the last remnant: his knickers. I had suspected that this might be the climax, but when my fears were actually realised, I nearly disintegrated.